mandag 15. juni 2009

Facination dwindeling?

I got in. Thats all I can say. I got accepted into the Telemark Batalion. Urah. Mucho fun. Im officially hired from the 1st of August. It kinda makes me think...
From 1st of August my adolescence is over. My childhood and teenage life. I'm no longer allowed to think of my self as a Norwegian Kid anymore(dang). I have a well paid job, an apartment hours away from my family, friends and what not whom I've known only for weeks or months. None of them know my childhood and long as Im here, my childhood is no more.
Wonder what it is to be really grown up. I don't think its age..some might say maturity, but you experience things. A child would take in every new thing with the same amout of curiousity and enthusiasm, while a grown up, which I feel my self more and more doing, would not think as much over the things that happen, because its "normal" and everything has an explenation for it. Imagine a child really noticeing a cloud for the first time. The shreik of pure exitement, the wide eyes and the glee that sticks to their face like glue pulling their face into a huge grin. I try to see the cloud as they do. I try. But fail. I see a cloud. Maybe a rabbit or a shoe sometimes, depending on their shape, but still..a cloud. I could try to think of the different things that a cloud is made up of, but thats just tedious to me, and I don't really care what a cloud is made up of. Plus, to know the exact scientific explenation for something, takes away the final facination I have with things. Like stars. I used to be really really facinated with them. Spent hours upon hours watching them. Now..I still think they're pritty, poetic, romantic and endless..and I still envy them for seing the history of the universe unfold and expand..while Im a blip. After my friend andy so nicely ripped my innocent facination with them when I said,
"God..I love stars, don't you think they're the one true magical thing in this world? Shining for millions of years, keeping life in the glaxies?"
and he said cold as ice
"they're stars. Balls of gas. They burn and they warm. Its what they do" talk about the romantic, eh?
I don't wanna be grown up if it means giving up my facination with every little thing. To experience things to the outmost is what life is about. Even the little discoveries and joys. Contemplateing on things that most "mature" people would think of as unnessesary or on the brink of weirdness or crazy. Thoughs like..
"I wonder how many people who...(think the exact same thing as me) or (dies right now) or (is lying blissfully next to their lover) or (experiences their first kiss)"
Kinda makes me feel like Amelie:P Those aren't really the things I spend the most of my time thinking of.. rather what if's what would's and how are's. Past. How could the present have been if one thing in the past had changed. The smallest things that have effected my life or the history.

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