Like someone once said, Im one tradegy after another. Its not me that gets affected, but the ones I love, the ones closest, I always seem to find a way to either loose them or screw things up. I guess it has something to do with me always wanting to complicate things. A friend once said its like with my drawings, I want each one of them to have a meaning, and try to make them as complicated as possible, but if Im not satesfied with what I get, I rip it apart.
If thats how my life is, I sure hope I'll change, and fast too.
My problem now is that I lay for hours, trying to sleep, when I cant, I write, or I just lie there, pondering on the mysteries of life, of my life, and everything around me, the future and the past, why things are the way they are, and what could happen if this and that was done. I think I think too much. Thats probably the source to my "insomnia". I've also gotten sick alot. Probably because Im too much of an idiot to dress according to what kind of weather it is. For me now, its cold, but like dad said, and from what I remember, it gets.. ALOT colder. I hope I just dont end up with pnumonia again.
I feel exhausted. N
ot because of my lack of sleep, but my body, my mind is beeing run down by everyone and everything around me. People expect me to be someone Im not, and sometimes I become exactly what people want, but its not me. It is as if I've become two entierly different people. Thats probably not a good thing, but as long as Im aware of it, and dont give them two different names, they cant put me in a mental hospital^^
Except all that my life is school, training and writing. The weekends are filled with friends and fun, but the weekdays I spend mostly by my self or with my friend Andy, whose got a better understanding of things than the people here. I think my life is fine as it is, but at the same time, I feel it could be more. Everyone probably has those thoughts sometimes eh? Delutional dreams of greatness and fame. Tho I wouldnt want fame.. hell no, I'd rather be unkown, poor and free to roam as I please than rich and stalked.
I guess thats it for now, sorry for the this awefully depressing blogg, I'll make it up to you guys, I promise;) Im just tired, and need more than 1 and a half hour sleep for once. Good night
If thats how my life is, I sure hope I'll change, and fast too.
My problem now is that I lay for hours, trying to sleep, when I cant, I write, or I just lie there, pondering on the mysteries of life, of my life, and everything around me, the future and the past, why things are the way they are, and what could happen if this and that was done. I think I think too much. Thats probably the source to my "insomnia". I've also gotten sick alot. Probably because Im too much of an idiot to dress according to what kind of weather it is. For me now, its cold, but like dad said, and from what I remember, it gets.. ALOT colder. I hope I just dont end up with pnumonia again.
I feel exhausted. N
ot because of my lack of sleep, but my body, my mind is beeing run down by everyone and everything around me. People expect me to be someone Im not, and sometimes I become exactly what people want, but its not me. It is as if I've become two entierly different people. Thats probably not a good thing, but as long as Im aware of it, and dont give them two different names, they cant put me in a mental hospital^^Except all that my life is school, training and writing. The weekends are filled with friends and fun, but the weekdays I spend mostly by my self or with my friend Andy, whose got a better understanding of things than the people here. I think my life is fine as it is, but at the same time, I feel it could be more. Everyone probably has those thoughts sometimes eh? Delutional dreams of greatness and fame. Tho I wouldnt want fame.. hell no, I'd rather be unkown, poor and free to roam as I please than rich and stalked.
I guess thats it for now, sorry for the this awefully depressing blogg, I'll make it up to you guys, I promise;) Im just tired, and need more than 1 and a half hour sleep for once. Good night
1 kommentarer:
Ok.. your Rent-a-Mom agrees that this is a bit depressing. I hope you are doing Ok.. otherwise I'll just have to come over to visit and kick you butt! ;-)
Take care sweetie, and remember I'm always here for you!
RaM
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